west coast tree slayers

 serving whatcom county 

(541) 285-5233

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tale of the tree slayers

spawned in the depths of hell and hatched from a towering spire in the cold northern pinnacles, the tree slayers are Not quite human and not quite beast. they posses opposable thumbs, making them adept at climbing trees and were born with an uncanny ability to wield a chainsaw as if it were an extension of their own body. These creatures excel at swinging through the canopy, fearlessly hacking at unwanted limbs, and have mastered the art of rigging to delicately lower branches without causing unwanted destruction. As they slay at life, one might mistake them as human. the difference can be seen when then are asked to answer a telephone or wield a computer, in which case, these devices have a tendency to explode. Their only known predator is the system they're forced to live within. therefore, the tree slayers occasionally retreat back to the icy hills from whence they came, to evade the technological and social demands of the 21st century, where they recharge before going back into the trees. The tree slayer diet consists mostly of fish, cheese and the occasional finger of a whiny client. When they are not slaying trees, they can typically be found going fast on various sideways apparatuses, listening to heavy metal and snuggling with other people’s dogs.